What doesn't work

So, I have written a post on what has worked for me, but I am going to get real here. I am not perfect, and I don't lose weight every single week. I struggle, I make bad decisions, have bad days. Hell I have bad weeks. And in this case, I have had a bad couple weeks. I haven't lost any weight for a few weeks now. I know there are quite a few reasons for this. Some are things I am doing and some are things I am not doing. And some are things that really I have nothing to do with. So, to keep it real, and to show you all out there that I am human and not some plastic happy girl who never gets down and thinks that losing weight is all kicks and giggles, I am going to spill all my unhappy, crappy, full of whoa-is-me-I-feel-like-crap guts.

1. I am eating way late at night. I am eating after dinner which I used to not do, but I have been getting hungry later so I have been snacking, and snacking on things that aren't good for me to snack on.

2. working out is my arch enemy. I have an ultimate aversion to it. I really can think of a million other things to do than work out. So I do. I don't work out, which means I sit on my computer or sit and play with Hudson or sit an do something else. Point is I'm not active. PERIOD. I don't think I need to explain myself anymore than that.

3. bowls of candy lying around the house. WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE? I don't care who you are, how strong you are, how dedicated you are or how much of a super hero you are, this is never a good idea. And unfortunately I am staying with my parents for a few months till we move and she is an absolute sugar fiend. There are at least 5 different bowls, trays, candy dispensers around the house for me to just walk by and subconsciously gorge on. There is something seriously wrong here! That is not to mention all the "secret hiding spots" I happen to know about. REALLY? If you want some candy in the house that is great, but make it at least a little hard to access. In my world, if it is there I am going to eat it. SO, it has been there and I have been eating it. NOT GOOD.

4. I have not been eating a good breakfast. Jason has to keep reminding me to eat breakfast. I am horrible with breakfast anyway, but I have been especially bad at it. I also need to eat shortly after I wake up. I just get in the rush of the morning and forget to eat.

5. Carbs at night. It is hard when I am not in control of dinner. My mom cooks dinner and I am not in control of what she makes so that is difficult, but still I am not a victim and I can make choices, but I just choose to eat whatever she puts in front of me. I also eat way more than I should. I get to cut down.

These are all things that I have changed over the past couple weeks for whatever reason. I guess I am a bit stressed. We are in a transition period right now and I just want to get things settled in our new place and get on with our lives, but we have to wait. That is hard for me, so I get stressed and then I end up suffering for it through food. Food has always been my stress reliever (Food relationships I will save for another post). Anyway, I hope this helps some of you.

Lastly, I am committed to working out. I have gone out on a limb and taken a big risk and am posting some very telltale starting pictures of me right now at the beginning of my new workout regimen. Here they are. I want you all to see how I look now compared to how I will look when I am a super ripped, hot mama. Please enjoy, and no laughing. The picture from the back makes my butt look absolutely enormous! BABY GOT BACK!!!!

A new perspective on weight loss

So Jason and I were at church yesterday and one of Jason's favorite things to do to pass the time during church is to doodle. And seeing as how I am a bit body and health obsessed right now, and I am constantly thinking of new topics for my blog I was sitting there writing a list of blog ideas for my "FGDDD" blog. I looked over at Jason's paper to see what he was doing and this is what I saw:

I couldn't help but laugh. I think my favorite part would have to be the really skinny face, hands and feet. Those are really the only things that changed on the picture. I also love that the before picture is smiling and the after picture is not. Really puts a whole new perspective on losing weight. Or maybe just Jason's views on losing weight (he's kind of a lean guy and currently trying to put on weight). Just thought you could all use a little humor in your weight loss lives.

The Sugar Effect

So, we all know that sugar, because it is a carbohydrate, give us the crashing effect. This happens because carbohydrates give a quick energy that burns strong and fast bringing a burst of energy that is good for workouts and much needed "pick me ups" in the morning to get us going and in between meals to keep us going. But it doesn't last long. The long lastig energy comes from protein.

But what people don't know a lot of the times is that sugar also stops hunger in the satiety center of the brain. This means that when we eat sugar it actually tuns off the part of our brain that tells us that we are not hungry anymore, essentially leaving us defenseless against our cravings.

Now, I absolutely believe it is necessary to have treats every once in a while and to treat ourselves to dessert. But I also believe it is necessary to educate ourselves about sugar and what it does to our bodies. The more we know about it the more likely we are to make smart decisions when we consume it.

So the next time you reach for that chocolate cake or the CrispyCreme doughnut just keep in mind that it is going to tell your brain that you are still hungry. My advice to you is to wait 45 minutes to an hour before you reach for any more food after eating dessert. Give your body a chance to work through the sugar. Just be smart, I know you know what to do. And if all else fails, visualize sugar like this:

Little balls of death!

Who Are You?

So, about 3 1/2 years ago I went through this "self realization" training. It was pretty involved and I could probably start a whole new blog dedicated to that topic alone, BUT there was one thing we did in the training that I found to be particularly profound and meaningful in my life.

We were asked to sit down and write out a list of a bunch of positive attributes we saw in people around us and positive attributes we wanted to have. I wrote out a bunch of things I admired about Jason, my mom and dad, best friends and other people I was going through the training with. After this, we were told to pick out three or four of those attributes that we especially wanted to have, or that were particularly attractive to us. After that, the trainer explained to us that these three or four traits are in fact "WHO WE REALLY ARE", but we just haven't realized it yet.

At that moment I broke down crying. I realized in that instant that what my trainer was saying was true. I looked at the attributes I had chosen and my entire life was a culmination of actions based upon my either trying to find out who I really was. And finally I knew.

So, for all of you out there reading my blog right now, I am going to tell you who I really am. And whenever I am sad, lonely, hurt, beating myself up for doing something I know I am better than, or feel like someone has wronged me, I look in the mirror and I ask myself, "Who are you?" And the I say to myself, "I am a beautiful, honest, trusting, inspiring woman of light".

Now, I urge you all to sit down and find out who you are. Ask yourself, "Who am I?" And I know a lot of you are used to saying I am a Son or Daughter of God and that is great, but I am looking for more here. Pick out some qualities or traits that you can live by. Believe me, when push comes to shove, this one simple sentence can mean so much.

All, often times the world unrightly tells us who we are based on un attainable measurements. Or they ask us who we are hoping to put doubt and fear into our minds and hearts. Especially in this time of uncertainty with social pressure to be perfect physically, financially and even emotionally it is more important now than ever to find out and hold on to who we really are. Hold onto it and don't let go.

One of my favorite quotes is from Gandhi:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

In health and happiness,

AJ

Recap per your request

I wanted to just repost a few things from my personal blog that some people had asked me to put in this blog.

I have had a lot of people ask me how I am losing so much weight so I thought I would post here some of the things that have helped me and really made the difference in my weight loss. Some of them may work for you and some may not. I suggest for any of you who are looking to lose weight, start slow, work through them and do what works for you. We are ot the same and not everything is going to work the same for everyone.

1. I got a food allergy test done. There are foods that you may not necessarily get sick from eating, but you body can't digest them well and they will literally make you "fat". Mine are wheat, eggs, almonds and cashews. This is really helpful in assisting you in making better food choices. If you know you are better with almonds than peanuts then you can make better decisions. So I would suggest getting that test done. As well as I would get a metabolic analysis test done to see if you are deficient in any aminos or essentials that will help you in metabolizing you food and just plain function better. I found I was deficient in serotonin (the sleep hormone) and so I started taking 5HTP which helps to supplement that and makes me sleep better, and gives me more energy during the day. The name of the company that does the test is Metametrix Clinical Laboratories. Their website is:

http://www.metametrix.com/content/Home/Main

You can go on there and read about the different test and even get a request form for the tests to give to your doctor, nutritionist or dietitian. The test has to be administered be one of the above, but it really isn't a big deal to go through one of them.

2. Eat every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Never go more than 4 hours without eating. This will keep your metabolism up and working. Even if you have to eat something crappy, it is better to do that than nothing at all. This is a huge issue.

3. It is absolutely necessary to make sure you allow yourself dessert and allow yourself real desserts, not "diet desserts". HOWEVER, eat your desserts between lunch and dinner, not after dinner. If you eat it after dinner you are going to put your metabolism into overdrive to work during your sleep (which doesn't work) and then you will either have horrible sleep which is known to cause people to gain weight or it will just turn strait into calories and then fat. Dessert is your friend, but make sure you are being smart about when you eat it. Also, make sure it is really what you want. Don't settle for what is there, make it what is really going to satisfy you. If you don't do it right then you are just going to keep looking for more.

4. Carbs are your friend. You have to have carbs to survive. However, like dessert, you have to be smart about how you do it. I suggest you do carbs, your bulk of carb intake at breakfast and you can have some at lunch, but cut out carbs at dinner time. This is for the same reason as the dessert. As well, in my opinion it is better to do you carbs in the form of rice, beans, potatoes, yams, and I would do bread and pasta on occasion. That is my suggestion. I do pasta once in a while when I go out to a restaurant and rarely do bread. I love rice so that is not difficult for me.

5. You must must must eat breakfast. To go along with that, eat something within an hour of waking up in the morning. It doesn't have to be your breakfast, but you need to eat something to get your metabolism going.

6. Drink water. Need I say more? Just do it.

7. With your workouts, it is better to do some light weight lifting 3 times a week then getting on a treadmill and running your legs off 5 times a week. You need to build your muscle and then as you gain muscle you will kick up your metabolism and be able to burn more calories faster. If you want to do cardio to make you feel better do it 2 time a week for 20 minutes and then do your resistance training 3 times a week. I have some great resistance training workouts that I can share with any of you that you can do at home.

8. Weigh yourself once a week, but don't define yourself by your weight. It is a measurement to see if progress is being made, but it is not the be all end all of progress. Especially if you are doing weight lifting. It can be a measurement of progress, but not the grand prize at the end of the road.

9. Always remember to have 1 or 2 people that you can use as your support system. You need people to share your success and sadness with. People who know what you are going through who won't judge you, but who also won't be jealous of your success as well. Find these people and hold onto them like they are gold. You will need them.

These are my suggestions. I have a lot more, but these are the most important in my opinion. If anyone has more questions, I do tons of research on health and I am happy to share more of what I have learned. Good luck to you all.

In health and wealth,

AJ

And so it Begins

Let me first say I am by no mean an expert, nor am I a professional in any way in the area of health. I am just a girl who has come a long way in the health department and tried pretty much everything in the book to lose weight, be healthy, and keep up with society's idea of a "normal" body image.

Having said that, this blog is dedicated to the pursuit of heath, body acceptance and the continual improvement and empowerment of one's life through knowledge and growth.

A little about me:

I have been overweight my entire life. So if any of you think I don't know where you are coming from... FORGET IT! because I do. I started gaining weight in 2nd grade and never stopped. The social effects started really taking hold in 4th grade when girls in my class thought it would be appropriate to put Jenny Craig wrappers on my desk to send me a message while I was out at recess. Taunting, teasing, ridicule and eventually total social exclusion resulted. This continued through elementary school. In Junior High I started dieting... Atkins... calorie counting... Herbalife... and Dexatrim. Pretty much anything I could think of or get my hands on. My parents even enrolled me in a special "fat kid" program at the hospital to teach me how to make better eating decisions.

Diets continued and became a regular routine through Junior High and High School. My weight fluctuated and I yo-yo'ed back and forth, but nothing was consistent except for the wasting of my parents' money on expensive programs and personal trainers that I would regularly cancel on.

Then came time to go to college. I moved to California and lost a bit of weight with the Atkins diet once again. But alas, college is where it got really bad. Being on my own and the stress of college life took it's toll. I ballooned to 255 lbs. This was my heaviest weight. (See picture to the side) At this point I took my most drastic measure. I decided to have the Gastric Bypass surgery. Going under the knife to get out from under the food addiction that had been holding me hostage my entire life. I felt so desperate. I had tried everything. I had even considered anorexia, but I just loved food too much. Bulimia wasn't an option because I hated throwing up. I just didn't have the willpower or discipline anymore to just "eat right and exercise".

SURGERY WAS MY ONLY OPTION

May 30th 2004, I had surgery. Within 3 months I had lost 50 lbs. At 6 months I had lost 75 lbs and by 1 year I had lost over 100 lbs. This may sound wonderful to some, but along with the weight loss came daily throwing up, losing half my hair, and two rounds of kidney stones. Not to mention 2 miscarriages and a difficult time keeping my 3rd pregnancy.

Now we come to my current state of affairs. I have had a baby, and gained back some of my weight. I still struggle with my weight and with my relationship with food. I have learned a lot along the way and am in the process of trying to reverse years of damaging beliefs and painful programming.

NOW, let me explain the title of my blog: Fat Girls Don't Deserve Dessert!

I have found myself sitting in a restaurant looking at the people sitting around me. And every once in a while I will catch myself staring at a rather large woman who seems to be eating something she "shouldn't" be eating, or eating "more" than she should be eating. I find myself "shoulding" this woman I don't even know. I don't know a thing about her, her background, where she is from, what she has been through or where she is going. Here is my point. Every person whether skinny (unhealthy), fat (I hate that word), normal (whatever that is), deserves to eat. No matter who you are, you deserve to eat. You deserve to eat good food. You deserve to eat yummy food and by all means YOU DESERVE DESSERT! This is why I have titled my blog as such.

This is my history, this is my life. I dedicate this blog to all women, men, ANYONE who may be struggling with body image and that are looking to be empowered and supported in your goals and pursuit in a healthier, happier you.

In health and happiness,

AJ